I will not let myself fall
by Happyness
Summary: Post ep: Divide and conquer. JackSam centred. One Shot


**I will not let myself fall**

_**Disclaimer**__ I do not own the members of SG-1, I'm only toying around with them and messing with their heads. Yeah, For fun! __This story is Jack/Sam centred__, if you dislike the pairing or are a anti Jack/Sam reader I suggest you do not flame this story, for I cannot help having a guttered mind and a stubborn personality. __Post episode: Divide and Conquer_

_**A/N:**__I'm not sure if this going to be a one- shot or something more. Actually this is my very first gate fic and I've never written anything remotely this different from the current fic I'm writing. So I guess it all depends on you readers to convince me other wise. Do you want this to be a one-shot? Or are you in for something deeper? _

Chapter 1: Guilt runs deep

Major. Samantha Carter sighed deeply before throwing the spoon she was currently holding on the table in front of her. She forcefully pushed the bowl of almost untouched blue Jell-O aside, not feeling the least bit hungry.

Frustrated she placed her elbows on the table and bowed her head into her hands. Her fingers went through her short blond hair and back over her face as memories of the day before flooded her mind.

General Hammond had suggested she'd take the day off. But her stubborn pig headedness had got the better of her and she insisted she was feeling fine. She felt fine! She had to remember herself. Nothing a shower and a bowl of Jell-O couldn't fix.

What a fool she had been. As long as she didn't have time to think about the aching pain she felt nagging in her chest she indeed was feeling fine. But sitting in the cafeteria alone with her thoughts and a bowl of Jell-O wasn't doing her current state of mind any good.

"Carter?" Sam's head immediately turned upwards as Colonel Jack O'Neill curiously looked down at her. No doubt having observed her overemotional state for at least the passed five seconds.

"Sir!" She wearingly spoke quickly withdrawing her arms beneath the table and masking her bewilderedness with a sly smile.

"How're you doing, Major?" He casually looked down and turned to sit on a chair across from her.

"Fine, Sir." She spoke, grateful her voice lacked any kind of immediate emotion.

"Good." He answered toying with the spoon she'd thrown at the table mere minutes ago before shoving the bowl of Jell-O towards himself and stealing a bite from it.

"Tastes good." He said, knowing fully well why she had pushed the bowl aside and had left it untouched and forgotten on the table.

"Have you heard news from the Tok'ra yet, sir?"

Her eyes intently focussed upon her superior who had started to toy around with the Jell-O separating one side from the other before taking another bit.

He swallowed hard and then looked up, considering how to best answer her question.

"Not, yet. But it's still early. You know how these guys pop up at the most unusual hours of the day, I'm sure today's no different."

He turned his attention back to the bowl at hand, missing the absentminded nod Sam gave him. Silence stretched between them as Jack continued to eat the remainders of her Jell-O.

"You sure you don't want any?" He said turning the bowl towards her line of vision.

She shook her head.

Sighing he took the last spoon full of Jell-O and quickly swallowed the blue dessert down, he

then put the bowl beside him, turning his full attention towards her. Feeling concerned for her well being, but only a trained eye could really see the truth behind his careless motives.

"Look, Carter." She glanced back at him.

"There was no way you could have seen this coming."

She bowed her head and looked at her hands, feeling the emotions and grief return as the Colonel spoke of the guilt that was gnawing away at her conscious.

"If you hadn't shot him he would have killed another human being, you did the right thing."

"Yes, sir." She agreed, her voice sounding anything but convincing to O'Neil's trained ears.

"Look at me, Major." Reluctantly Sam obeyed her superiors order, trying to push back the tears that had glassed over her eyes.

"It's not your fault." His voice sounding somewhat like a comforting whisper that lacked the usual commanding edge to it.

She let her tears fall, regretting the act the moment they touched her cheeks and she quickly whipped them away, cursing a loud; "_damn it." _Before she glanced back at her entwined fingers.

"Thank you, sir." She whispered under her breath but loud enough for him to hear.

"Anytime, Carter." He smiled and stood up from the table taking the now empty bowl of Jell-O with him.

Before he turned to leave he shot one last glance in her direction and noted how she had been looking at his retrieving form. He smiled and winked at her before disappearing into the hall, no doubt on his way to the gate room.

Sam picked up the spoon the Colonel had forgetting to put back and turned the silverware around, looking at the image she saw reflecting back at her. She smiled and slowly shook her head.

Martouf's death and the undeniable secret that had been revealed between the Colonel and herself cut deep in her sub consciousness and it was all she could do not to scream out in frustration.

In time she would eventually learn to accept the unfairness of her job. Letting go of the selfishness she felt whenever in close proximity of the Colonel. She would have to deal with him, her superior. But that didn't keep her wondering mind from the spark of hope she still felt inside when he had told her. Told her he cared. He cared a lot more than he was supposed to.

TBC?


End file.
